03-22-2012, 05:35 AM
Your a bad boy Tom,
I like the title. The poem I like less. The title has more substance than the poem. The poem seems an explanation of an apothegm which really needs no explanation.
In terms of the poem, I see no reason to put four foot lines of accentual verse side by side and pretend they are eight foot lines, especially to the point of ending a sentence in the middle of the line. I've been tolerate in some cases of your long lines but this is pure affectation and puts an undue burden on the reader.
I once met a man who said he knew me,
he knew we'd shared things long years long ago.
He said he was certain we'd been comrades
and we had such secrets no others should know.
Why do you try my patience?
Dale
I like the title. The poem I like less. The title has more substance than the poem. The poem seems an explanation of an apothegm which really needs no explanation.
In terms of the poem, I see no reason to put four foot lines of accentual verse side by side and pretend they are eight foot lines, especially to the point of ending a sentence in the middle of the line. I've been tolerate in some cases of your long lines but this is pure affectation and puts an undue burden on the reader.
I once met a man who said he knew me,
he knew we'd shared things long years long ago.
He said he was certain we'd been comrades
and we had such secrets no others should know.
Why do you try my patience?
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.