03-22-2012, 03:07 AM
Tectak 2006
***
Suggestions are just that ...
I would turn this to the paratactic and the
paratactic only. Your choice for asyndeton
or polysyndeton or mixed-- but paratactic.
Most of it is paratactic, but turn it all to.
**
I once met a man who said {{that}} he knew me,
he knew we had shared things long years long ago.
He said he was certain {{that}} we had been comrades
and {{that}} we had such secrets no others should know.
**
I once met a man who said he knew me,
and he knew of things shared long ago.
He said he was certain we had been comrades,
and held such secrets no others should know.
**
Every predication in this poem ought stand
on the same level as every other without the
'slightest hint of causal connection.' The clas-
sic definition of parataxis has it, " .. with-
out the slightest hint of 'clausal' connection."
But in prose-poetry we must have clausal connec-
tion to satisfy the narrative.
Delighted,
rh
***
Suggestions are just that ...
I would turn this to the paratactic and the
paratactic only. Your choice for asyndeton
or polysyndeton or mixed-- but paratactic.
Most of it is paratactic, but turn it all to.
**
I once met a man who said {{that}} he knew me,
he knew we had shared things long years long ago.
He said he was certain {{that}} we had been comrades
and {{that}} we had such secrets no others should know.
**
I once met a man who said he knew me,
and he knew of things shared long ago.
He said he was certain we had been comrades,
and held such secrets no others should know.
**
Every predication in this poem ought stand
on the same level as every other without the
'slightest hint of causal connection.' The clas-
sic definition of parataxis has it, " .. with-
out the slightest hint of 'clausal' connection."
But in prose-poetry we must have clausal connec-
tion to satisfy the narrative.
Delighted,
rh