Half a goodbye

[billy]

seriously geoff, i think the way you edit is brave and sensible. you're not afraid to chop and hack if you think that's what's required. for me this latest version actually captures a moment, a time, a place, coherently for me the reader to really understand. with this latest edit i feel i'm in the picture. if i had 1 nit, it would be the last verse;

and released,
the checkpoint where,
glancing back, you walked out of view.
for me it's a bit drwn out (though i'm sure that was intentional; would something like;

and released,
the checkpoint where,
glanced back. or

and released,
the checkpoint where,
you waved. jmo

all in all really well work-shopped, from this point i'd keep any edit small so as to not lose what you've achieved.

thanks for the edit.