03-20-2012, 09:28 PM
Ray,
Out of 128 lines there are 12 rhyming couplets (that's about 20% which is about twice what I would generally want it to be), so I am assuming you mean those and not that the poem entire is compose of rhyming couplets? I will admit the four in stanza four coming altogether as the do is a bit odious:
"I reflectively tried to shed some light
on the dark reassesses of what I had been told,
were the darkest places in my unenlightened soul.
Using a black light I succeeded in only growing mold;
using a spotlight I succeeded in only growing old.
Then… and completely unbeknownst to me,
I found too late that I had my soul, sold,
if I had not outright had it stole:"
Are those the ones you are referring to? The first two are somewhat intentional for emphasis,but maybe I should reconsider that approach. I can't say I am wild about the third pair, as it is a bit cumbersome in the reading. I have thought several times about doing something else there, an dI should do so.
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll think about what I can do with it..
Dale
Geoff,
" departied" is intentional.
Sorry, I forgot to mention it above.
Dale
Out of 128 lines there are 12 rhyming couplets (that's about 20% which is about twice what I would generally want it to be), so I am assuming you mean those and not that the poem entire is compose of rhyming couplets? I will admit the four in stanza four coming altogether as the do is a bit odious:
"I reflectively tried to shed some light
on the dark reassesses of what I had been told,
were the darkest places in my unenlightened soul.
Using a black light I succeeded in only growing mold;
using a spotlight I succeeded in only growing old.
Then… and completely unbeknownst to me,
I found too late that I had my soul, sold,
if I had not outright had it stole:"
Are those the ones you are referring to? The first two are somewhat intentional for emphasis,but maybe I should reconsider that approach. I can't say I am wild about the third pair, as it is a bit cumbersome in the reading. I have thought several times about doing something else there, an dI should do so.
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll think about what I can do with it..
Dale
Geoff,
" departied" is intentional.
Sorry, I forgot to mention it above.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.