This Winter (edit 1)

[tectak]

I like the voice yet it needs to be tempered, rework the oft used phrases and write back in the poetic. Example:
or you can ignore my tampering . But as I said I like this strong voice. It is compelling, I just want it more so.


This winter fetched in piercing spikes; glass-brittle, hardened
flint unyielding to the sword of light, they daily grow
inch on inch and glint on glint, from water freed from forces fused
fine jewels once seized as snow. These transient gems in nature’s crown
no feeble sun can render them this winter morn. This winter chills
the mid-days by-breeze until air scintillates; and from the high
bedecked boughs encrusted white, falls hard iced -disintegrate.

I puke when I read the word “shards” in poetry!

keep working on it

HI Bronte,
Many thanks for your comments which I have to confess I did not really understand. I guess there must be a unwritten rule somewhere which equates to "Never crit the crit", so I won't. What I will do, however, is look at some of your work to find out where you are coming from. I have to admit to puzzlement over the acute emetic response elicited by the mention of that one word which I dare not speak for fear of you going in to uncontrolled gastric convulsions I hoped that we may have a cure for poisoning here though after attempting to replicate the effect by publishing the poem on this site I am somewhat discouraged to report that I have been unable to confirm any instances of your reported result.
Accordingly, I shall revert to my usual stance of treating all criticism in the round whilst paying particular heed to commonalities.
Again,
Many thanks,
Best,
Tectak