03-16-2012, 04:04 PM
Geoff,
I like this idea, and some of the images are nice. However, I can't say I care for the continuous line with the various enjambments.
I thought that this was a needlessly difficult passage:
"I think the wall between us and the artist saves her from the guilt that separates
those who browse from those who buy..."
Partly the line "Judging a painting" sets this up to be difficult as it gave me the wrong impression about what was occurring. It made me think that a contest was going on and she was the judge, and thus she was not one of those who browse or buy. This not a difficult concept, it is purely a part of the narration and should not be so difficult.
I do really like that she "samples" the painted apples, I think that works well.
Dale
I like this idea, and some of the images are nice. However, I can't say I care for the continuous line with the various enjambments.
I thought that this was a needlessly difficult passage:
"I think the wall between us and the artist saves her from the guilt that separates
those who browse from those who buy..."
Partly the line "Judging a painting" sets this up to be difficult as it gave me the wrong impression about what was occurring. It made me think that a contest was going on and she was the judge, and thus she was not one of those who browse or buy. This not a difficult concept, it is purely a part of the narration and should not be so difficult.
I do really like that she "samples" the painted apples, I think that works well.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.