and be my home

[Erthona]

Thanks Billy,

I'll think about that when I revisit later. I think I meant for it to have a pleading tone, and of course it would sound weak given the circumstances, but once I get some distance from it, I'll see what I think.
cliche 1 & 2 correct!

Thanks again,

Dale

---

Thanks Geoff,

Yeah, the wanting to die at home seems to slip by.

"this line felt like a little clunky flow-wise. the phrase "I once had are now" is the culprit I think"

I worked on this quite a lot, but I was never satisfied with it, yet I have been able to come up with nothing much better.

"I wanted a more refreshing image. also, to me, "entrance of death's door" felt a bit redundant"

Beyond redundant, cliche is more accurate. At the time I just had nothing better.

"simple" Yeah, that's just a typo. Thanks for the catch.

Thanks for the read and suggestions,

Dale