Six Feet Wide and Seven Feet Under

[addy]

A great effort, Madi and I do love the subject matter that you chose. The narrative lends it a nice tension and immediacy, while at the same time the POV introspection softens it a lot. Here are a few thoughts
(take note this is my own personal evaluation of the piece; use the bits of advice that genuinely help you and your vision, and take everything else with a grain of salt)

Six Feet Wide and Seven Feet Under
By Madi Bea

Seven feet under I lie comma here?
Covered in fears and dirt. Wonderful lines, imo

One mistake is all it takes,
A shell fallen short of mark,
That we learned the hard way.
That one mistake still ringing through our bodies. How do you feel about abbreviating this? Maybe something like “One mistake is all it takes; // the shell fallen short of mark // still rings through or bodies.”

Men scream and cry,
Bleed and die.
Some even get rid of “even” give in to their bullets.

My eyes venture across the empty battlefield,
Weapon in my left hand,
Picture in the right,
Those baby blue eyes keeping me sane.

Her smile and laughter fill my dreams, A little bit cliche
Halting time for just awhile.
I’m woken with a start of wonder and commotion. I think you should get rid of this line. The stanza’s flow from poignant to tense works beautifully without it, imo
The men have just begun to fight,
Our heartbeats echoing in our empty chests into our minds,
Soon becoming the only thing I hear.

My eyes venture across the dusty battlefield This repeats the fourth stanza opening, but is there a significance to the mirroring? What ideas in stanza four and six do you wish to connect/ contrast by recalling it?
Blanketed with dust, it appears to be full of clouds.
But those clouds are splattered with blood
The bright red blood of my fellow men.You do quite some repetition here too, with the words “cloud” and “blood” being repeated in immediately subsequent lines. Normally repeating words is distracting, but in this case it’s distracting in the right way, giving the effect of a narrator descending into stilted panic. You can edit this to make the narrator’s thoughts even more gripping and desperate, if you want

The thought enters my mind as the bullet enters Maybe “exits” would give it more punch? my body.
The clouds are splattered with bright red blood,
The blood of my comrades,
The blood of my enemies,
My blood.

Seven feet under I lie
Covered in fears and dirt. Nice mirroring in this part

Since you’re new to the forums, I'm wondering if perhaps you'd like to post your stuff at the Mild Critique Section first-- the feedback there is moderate, and more broadstroke. The Serious Critique Section is usually the place where readers get to whip out their red pens and really tear into a piece, so if you're not prepared for really tough feedback from the get-go it might be an overwhelming experience. However you want to do it is cool with us, though, as long as it helps you with your writing

Hope to see more of your work, Madi!