hotel

[billy]

V. 2 thanks to Todd
S. 1 and 2: removed the bull and bank; combined with S3.
S. 4: added "away" before "before"
S. 5: completely new

hotel

Our single was still a records office
back when our door was closed the opening lines leaves too much work for me to do

by a clerk thinking of sleep, unable
to see room for a bed
beside his desk, or
expect a Bible in a drawer. tidy stanza but it it doesn't help the 1st any.

If the photograph is right,
the walls were black, the window shrunken,
and everything grey as 1935. for me this as an opener would open the clarity of the poem up by a factor of 5

When we shower, I wonder
if he ever wanted to wash
the smell of ink and numbers
away before returning to a wife, another solid stanza, i like the way the photograph leads to all these thoughts.

and if he would sit in our chair, is 'and' needed
eyeing the river bend
instead of straddling a desk;

the same chair I find myself
wanting to replace. a solid close, we always dislike something in a hotel room

as i said, for me the poem breaks down at the very start of me reading it. if the 3rd stanza were the 1st then it would flow really well and my stutter would fail to manifest itself. just a suggestion of course.
i think this a really solid poem that's hindered by the stanza order. jmo
thanks for the read.