Sometimes I Bleed

[ckeo]

Thank you !! And my ears feel well boxed.
Seriously tho, I found your critique very helpful and it has advanced my Googling skills tremendously.

as we get no clue from the title (not a bad thing per se) it may be better to begin with something a little more specifically informative. This is an enormously long sentence to plough through for so few potatoes.

Ok.
lets take the last stanza and put it in front...

Here.. buoyant and embryotic I drift, shadows
no longer search above, animations of their wake
have long subdued. All hope lost, as I am.

The Still I remember, when the sky slipped
through the haze of my slumber and the cerulean
glass exposed from the mist offered reprieve
from heat ablating my skin.

Serving salinity I lay there, A leather bound
trinket unteathered on unrelenting hardness
of driftwood. I closed my eyes back to the
comfort of my dream, no avail.. endless drifting,
the ocean lapping my vessel.

I fear the water reflecting faces, legends of
wise men and mercy staining my bones. I long
for human touch, the glow of a fresh lit hearth
over ice cream sundaes and doe eyes pining in
vain. I ponder the servitude.

I struggled the edge, occasionally relenting
to my weight and sometimes I bled. I could smell
the dried crust over my wounds and the fire from
salt washing it away. A deed that would test A
common man, until only an echo remains.


** So now we open with a person drifting dead in the water below
the surface where the search boats above could not see him,
then he goes into the narrative. (of course some rewording is necessary), but with that aside, this would be a mental image powerful enough for me to want to continue reading.

Hows those potatoes ?
Does mother still cut them in bite sized pieces for you ?