03-01-2012, 11:26 AM
This is short enough for me to wrap my mind around and I'll give you some things I feel
would make a difference in my mind at least:
- "separated" does not give the impression of the permanence that "when what was loved,
is now abhorred." implies. "division" would be a better choice, but would require considerable rewording.
- "when what was loved, is now abhorred." solidifying, however, I feel it is over expressed,
for example: "A life I now abhor" would be more along the lines of what I would be looking for (line stolen from the song "Monster" - by Disturbed)
would make a difference in my mind at least:
- "separated" does not give the impression of the permanence that "when what was loved,
is now abhorred." implies. "division" would be a better choice, but would require considerable rewording.
- "when what was loved, is now abhorred." solidifying, however, I feel it is over expressed,
for example: "A life I now abhor" would be more along the lines of what I would be looking for (line stolen from the song "Monster" - by Disturbed)