So Kind

[tectak]

I can’t say that she was being unkind,
when she separated out, not a good place for this comma as this line and the next is an uncomplicated statement. Splitting it diminishes the finality
what was hers,
from… what was mine. but yes to the pseudo elipsis. It works. What is missing!
Justice is the best hoped for—
there’s no room for mercy
—when what was loved,
is now abhor. Won't stand reading aloud. What a bore it now is." I (or even we) now abhor". Maybe
-------------------------------------
It is unfair, though no less true,
we pay for what we chose to do.
Consciously intended or not,
we pay for all the sins that we’ve forgot.Well hello, Muse, where have you been?Really good commitment verse end. Like it a lot but would ditch the word "all"


©2012 -Erthona

Note bene:

A homily or apothegm of sorts. Not of the epiphanous, but of the, “ah ha, I knew that”, type. Not exactly a poem for serious critique in terms of the thought, but it does present some editing difficulties. As I have beat up on it quite a bit, I thought I’d let you have a go at it.

Dale

You know I like this sort of thing. A distilled thought, spirit in a thimble. Works for me.
Best,
Tectak