What the Storm Taught Us (Revision 4)

[tectak]

The sky was like the terror of children this is an unmatched metaphor.A sky like terror? Better to relate. "The sky brought fear, like the terror of children left alone"
Our hands were knotted
into the ropes--palsied clawsexcellent word choice
callused as the words
on my tongue,
the salt from my heart.this line is not attached to anything before or after. A linkage is missing. Accidental ommission?1
Fishermen, who cast the nets
had become the catch
what purpose does this missing line serve?
of this man of wordscomma after words then "he who brought..." otherwise as it is ,"who brought us here" quite literally begs a question!
who brought us here.
This man at home with wood,ok but not easily assimilated into understanding. I know what you are saying because the expression "at home with" is 2 known to me, but unless you deliberately meant that there was a duality here..he was familiar with wood AND his home was made of wood, the boat, then you risk puzzling the reader. I am happy to be wrong in this comment but it will still grumble
who slept while it buckledI don't think that wood buckles. Steel plates buckle but wood fractures, splits or, as below, splinters. It can also burst, bend, bow or.....well, almost anything but buckle
as the mast splintered,
the sail snapped,ropes (sheets) snap, sails tear or rent or rip or shred
as our pleas turned
to wails, he slept
I give in. What is this space for?
to wake to the spray
of our accusations, groggygreat line. Now you have a lot to live up to
as if pulled from a conversation,
losing his train-of-thought.

At a word,
the tempest became
a smooth path. So still

I almost stepped from the boat.

So still

only the echo remained,
and we could not bear it.
To command the wind
What is a leper? Or a blind man?
Or the raising of the dead? Compared
to a sea that recognizes a voice.not sure about the inquistional use of question marks but I am sure that "obeys" a voice would impart finality to this line rather than "recognises". In any event you are comparing incomparables. "A leper healed, a blind man cured, a dead man raised" is fine; but how to compare a leper to the miracle of a sentient sea, or an inch to a pound?
He that spoke light
had returned light to us,
and we only longed to throw ourselves
into the darkness,
to hide within the storm.this sounds so good but lacks sense. Light, long awaited, has come at last. Why throw yourself back into darkness? Help me.

If this seems picky it is because you have only left the minimum to pick over! For me, there is so little separating excellence from goodness that you could ignore my whole critique and rest easy. I enjoyed the concept as much, if not more, than the execution.....but that is the way of the lonely poet. Give me concepts everytime!
Best,
Tectak