What the Storm Taught Us (Revision 4)

[Philatone]

hello todd. don't have many opportunities to try to be helpful for you, so I'm going to do what I can with this.

to begin: having read it a few times, the perspective is really perfect for what you are going for. The theme of the sea, as well as the religious references, come off strong thanks to a precise word choice and solid imagery.

The sky was like the terror of children
left alone. ...debated leaving just "alone" on this line and bringing up "left" to the previous line. doing so would isolate "alone" and also give that sense of longing to the first line
Our hands were knotted
into the ropes--palsied claws...play on rope knots and hands, i like the comparison
callused as the words...such an interesting image, words becoming callused. really gives that sense of overuse, as I'm sure they would be in an episode pf this kind
on my tongue,
the salt from my heart. ...the salt unites man with the sea
Fishermen, who cast the nets
had become the catch...great reference. played with switching the tenses, so the "cast" would be past perfect (had casted) and "become" would turn to "became"

of this man of words ...a quick thought was to change "words" to "the word"
who brought us here.
This man at home with wood,
who slept while it buckled,
as the mast splintered,
the sail snapped,
as our pleas turned
to wails, he slept ...enjoyed the scene, but I think slightly altered punctuation and trimming could tighten it and achieve a greater sense of immediacy. I tried:

This man at home with wood
who slept as the mast splintered (to get the /s/ sounds together
and sail snapped,
as our pleas turned to wails.
He slept

just a suggestion that struck me; if left unchanged, I understand completely

to wake to the spray...great play on "spray"
of our accusations, groggy
as if pulled from a conversation,
losing his train-of-thought....I wanted "train-of-thought" to feel less modern.

At a word,
the tempest became
a smooth path. So still

I almost stepped from the boat....great isolation of this

So still

only the echo remained,
and we could not bear it.
To command the wind
What is a leper? Or a blind man?
Or the raising of the dead? Compared ...personally, I don't feel the question marks enhance the stanza. It made me stumble a bit transitioning from "dead" to "compared"
to a sea that recognizes a voice.
He that spoke light
had returned light to us,
and we only longed to throw ourselves
into the darkness,
to hide within the storm. ...great close

I hope some of these ideas may resonate with you. it was a piece I enjoyed reading