non-recurring dream
#5
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(02-27-2012, 03:27 AM)Heslopian Wrote:  Some of these lines are beautiful. The third stanza's closing couplet is divine; I like how the knife can mean such opposing ideas, which symbolises the narrator's spiritual pain and confusion. The "mine again" refrain was also great; it felt like the chorus of some old love song.
As for suggestions, I think putting "us" or "me" after "drags" in L1 might help, and a dash should go between "wraith" and "like" in L11.
Thanks for the read, tectak.
Many thanks for taking the time to read and crit. Interesting point on "drags to" which just goes to show how the slightest error in wording changes so much. My error. Though you would be (are Smile) correct if I had been clearer, I will change to v2. You will see what I mean.
I am over-cautious of hy-fens as er-thona grubbed me over their mis-use some time back....but if you insist! It is on your head.
Best,
Tectak
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Messages In This Thread
non-recurring dream - by tectak - 02-25-2012, 09:26 PM
RE: non-recurring dream - by Wildcard - 02-26-2012, 05:55 AM
RE: non-recurring dream - by tectak - 02-27-2012, 02:00 AM
RE: non-recurring dream - by heslopian - 02-27-2012, 03:27 AM
RE: non-recurring dream - by tectak - 02-27-2012, 03:50 AM
RE: non-recurring dream - by heslopian - 02-27-2012, 04:33 AM
RE: non-recurring dream - by abu nuwas - 02-27-2012, 09:01 AM
RE: non-recurring dream - by tectak - 02-27-2012, 09:19 AM



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