Infatuation

[Wildcard]

Hi royale!

It's wonderful to see you posting!

We have a really good group of knowledgeable members that will be along shortly to give you their thoughts- unfortunately I'm just not one of the educated ones so if my feedback doesn't make sense, the real poets will be along shortly.

If in love you have ever been, --As openers go, it's a little weak (no offense) the title is fairly provocative, but the twisted grammar lends to the feeling that the first rhyme is contrived. However, the thought 'If you have ever been in love' is a very nice way to begin. I realize that the grammar is skewed to fit the rhyme scheme and so I have no immediate suggestions
The loneliness of being you have ever seen,
If to the romantic tales you were at times keen,
Then, pray hear the request of this crazy teen, --Whether this is fantasy or something personal, 'crazy' weakens the plausibility of the narrator here. If you want to show that the narrator doesn't take him/herself seriously, I think you should seek out a better choice of words.

If a tear has ever blurred thy vision,
Time ever crept before the dying season,
Path was lost before reaching destination,
No reasons ruled the governing situation,
Then, pray feel the essence of my infatuation,

Ever if you have found yourselves lost,
To the life's fantasies ever caught,
Lived to die in a moments applause ,
But then seized for the times cause,
Think do then about this lone dweller......

It seems like you put a lot of time and thought into this and it's paying off There are quite a few rhymes that feel a little awkward and if you tighten those up I think you'll be well on your way.

I'll say again that I'm really glad to see you posting! Remember to give feedback to other poets and jump in any of the Discussion Boards you like! Thanks for sharing.