02-21-2012, 10:18 AM
Tectak said: "Damn you, erthona, we are all out-sonnetted by this gem. I know you want a good kicking for insolent rhymes, but it will not be from me. Tough luck, my friend, I love it.....but I am of an age."
Ah, but it is always easiest when preaching to the choir
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VoT said: "My only nag that springs to mind is the meter in the 4th line, with that suave-spat of similar-sounding-syllables I keep wanting to put a caesura after "us"; To me it feels irregular"
Probably because "comfort" is a foot of trochee instead of iambic, making one want to add an extra syllable or lengthen we're to "we are", so you are correct that it is irregular, but not because of the "of similar-sounding-syllables"
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Geoff,
The first, third, and fourth question marks are errors. I guess I pasted in the wrong version. I think this is how it is suppose to go. I don't know if I have ever really settled on how it should be punctuated.
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Dare you loving look on one, such as I,
So that through open words, a bond shall grow;
Betwixt and between dark earth and light sky,
A union to comfort us when we’re old?
Or is it true, what is said of the flesh,
Alone we enter this world, warm or chill,
Being neither damned, no more than we’re blessed,
We enter, live, and die, against our will!
Is there hope then for that final hour,
When I lay entomb in this wizened sack;
Should we meet within the bridal bower,
Would then you be with me as death attacks?
Would you do more than simply hold my hand,
Be my companion also to that land?
Ah, but it is always easiest when preaching to the choir
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VoT said: "My only nag that springs to mind is the meter in the 4th line, with that suave-spat of similar-sounding-syllables I keep wanting to put a caesura after "us"; To me it feels irregular"
Probably because "comfort" is a foot of trochee instead of iambic, making one want to add an extra syllable or lengthen we're to "we are", so you are correct that it is irregular, but not because of the "of similar-sounding-syllables"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Geoff,
The first, third, and fourth question marks are errors. I guess I pasted in the wrong version. I think this is how it is suppose to go. I don't know if I have ever really settled on how it should be punctuated.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dare you loving look on one, such as I,
So that through open words, a bond shall grow;
Betwixt and between dark earth and light sky,
A union to comfort us when we’re old?
Or is it true, what is said of the flesh,
Alone we enter this world, warm or chill,
Being neither damned, no more than we’re blessed,
We enter, live, and die, against our will!
Is there hope then for that final hour,
When I lay entomb in this wizened sack;
Should we meet within the bridal bower,
Would then you be with me as death attacks?
Would you do more than simply hold my hand,
Be my companion also to that land?
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.