02-20-2012, 10:50 PM
Thanks for you comments. Sorry it took me so long to respond, been sick the last few days. I've given my rationale for the points you've brought up, which is not to invalidate what you have said, merely to say why I did what I did at the time. I appreciate your comments and will consider them when I do a revision on this, thanks again.
Dale
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"this boy here will die, a dagger in the eye ...hm, this line did little for me, especially with its rhyme
if I died, what would be the point?)"
Probably correct, but I never can resist a pun
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"but they’ll delay them, so my archers can fire a volley.)...not sure you needed the "but they'll delay them"; I think the line before gives enough hint that the men can be used to serve the archers"
Just to drive home the point that hundreds of boys are dying in order to gain a just a short amount o time. That it is more than just senseless and wasteful, but obscene.
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"(Never heard of him, this boy is quite precocious,
at least for a lad of eight, he’ll never see nine,
he’ll be one of the first, cut down in the line) ...not sure if this commentary was as helpful as the others; I think the exact same sentiments are already expressed wonderfully in the stanza above"
IT juxtaposes the boys genuine devotion and the Kings cynicism.
Dale
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"this boy here will die, a dagger in the eye ...hm, this line did little for me, especially with its rhyme
if I died, what would be the point?)"
Probably correct, but I never can resist a pun
-----------------------------------------------------------
"but they’ll delay them, so my archers can fire a volley.)...not sure you needed the "but they'll delay them"; I think the line before gives enough hint that the men can be used to serve the archers"
Just to drive home the point that hundreds of boys are dying in order to gain a just a short amount o time. That it is more than just senseless and wasteful, but obscene.
---------------------------------------------------------
"(Never heard of him, this boy is quite precocious,
at least for a lad of eight, he’ll never see nine,
he’ll be one of the first, cut down in the line) ...not sure if this commentary was as helpful as the others; I think the exact same sentiments are already expressed wonderfully in the stanza above"
IT juxtaposes the boys genuine devotion and the Kings cynicism.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.