02-19-2012, 09:10 PM
I enjoyed this,
in particular I'm fond of your wizened sack.
My only nag that springs to mind is the meter in the 4th line, with that suave-spat of similar-sounding-syllables I keep wanting to put a caesura after "us"; To me it feels irregular but I am in no way qualified to pass judgement I figured since the boards seem a bit slow I'd branch a little further out than the novice section.
Thanks for posting.
in particular I'm fond of your wizened sack.
My only nag that springs to mind is the meter in the 4th line, with that suave-spat of similar-sounding-syllables I keep wanting to put a caesura after "us"; To me it feels irregular but I am in no way qualified to pass judgement I figured since the boards seem a bit slow I'd branch a little further out than the novice section.
Thanks for posting.