A tale that hung thereby.........v2

[tectak]

Really nice revisions for the most part... though I'm wondering why you've gone with "still rising yet" in S3 L1, seems tautological to me.

Love "dire lament".

And workshopping should be a joint effort, as long as the decision to make changes remains with the originator of the poem. Any suggestions here are freely offered, and you're always free to reject them

Hi Leanne,
Still tweaking yet! Shortest tautological line for sure....but fitting for the era. Still well spotted! I am nearly convinced that the end is nigh for the development of this piece and I need to call a design freeze. Thank you all.
Best,
Tectak

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Sorry not to have commented before..

I think this is perfectly splendid, top-whack, top-hole.

It had a good rolling rhythm, and the meter more or less behaved itself, in an iambic sort of way, though the 'Anguish' line wobbled into troche a little, but it still seemed OK in the way that things can, if previously it has all been going along so well.

I use inversions in my ordinary speech, and so, I fancy does Leanne ("A real bastard he is") and although in the big cities in the UK, one can witness a degradation of the language, there seems to me to be no reason to hasten it along. It does, in any event, as you mention somewhere, reflect, the times.

Yes, a bit Coleridge - bereft though it be of the rich imagery he was fond of.

Tell me that I did not know you in Another Place. Or if I did ---

Pip-pip old top!

Thank you for the contemporaneus understanding. Perhaps we are of an age....this piece is written in a period style which I confess I regret has slipped into history. That there are fragments of the language from the era still used in certain circles is a great comfort to me.....and to you?
Did you know me in another place? Well, in the words of Boris, I could not fail to disagree with you less!
Best, Tectak