The Love Song of Burke and Wills

[tectak]

and then at sunset
stars seeded from the sands’ fire
shot to bloom across the sky

underfoot, the desert whispered
now I stir, now I strike
like yesterday

one foot, two foot
now a kangaroo foot
hop to the left, there’s a light

gone past

and God sang lullabies
hush, the thirst
hush, the dry skin crackling against
swollen tongue
shhh

God said
I am in your head
cut it off
cut it out
come to me

chasm lips, the lizards seek
a resting place
erase yourself
bleach
and be clean

wind folds breath into dust
bones dance clear of flesh
and morning brings rain

I am sure that it is part of the remit of the "serious" critic to make comment and judgement without actually requiring explanation of the content of the work under his light. All around may be darkness but that should only serve to contrast what is being dissected .It does no such thing. As I have no knowledge of the source of this tale I could google but I won't. So this is cold turkey.
Punctuation...what use is it? No use at all it seems. Now I know that this is deliberate form designed to allow the reader more interperative choice (yeah yeah) but I do not want choice....if anything I want guidance. This is my criticism so this is my gripe
Form. OK...it is generally a good idea to link form and content in some sympathetic way.This piece is haikued to within a foot of the cliff edge BUT it gets away with it by a clever randomness of rhythm; generated, unusually, by the stanzas rather than by the lines.S2 is particularly central to this process as it (mis)
leads the reader into an illusionary link between S1 and S3......and it works.
Meaning...no idea. This not the problem, however. The problem is I am initially uninterested in the content then become disinterested.I want to be able to take some cold meaning from the piece but it keeps pulling the ripcord and I am left hoisted and dangling whilst the story hurtled earthward without me.
Imagery. This is a slide show, not a movie. There are some fine snapshots ...I covet the last stanza!
Overall it is outside my comfort zone....but so is Ulysses.
Best,
Tectak