An interesting day when I was seventy-two

[billy]

Hi tectek, to reply to the post above you, just scroll to the bottom of the page and put your text in there.
to reply to a post higher than the one above you, click on new reply and answer outside the quoted text. or, delete part of the text and reply outside the quotes. hope it helps.

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An interesting day when I was seventy-two.

We're looking at each other, sitting here, beside the big window. Here we can watch
The outside people churning and flying around. We are in a box that surrounds and protects us why not contract the we are as in the 1st line?
Behind its thick, safe glass wall; we are looking out at those looking in.
The coffee we ordered is spiteful. Its taste irritates me. It has spent too long
In its own glass tomb, reduced to a black buzz of caffeine and sugared necessity. this and the line above are superb, strong image
Sugared. Made to taste better by added sweetness; hiding the bitter essence.
We don't touch. People are looking. They only see what we want them to see.
We don't speak. People are listening. They only hear what they want to hear.
A man behind us calls for sugar. I hear him. We don't have any sugar.
The waiter has the sugar franchise....but he doesn't hear.
The man is in withdrawal. He must have sugar. Everyone hears him...but not the waiter.
We look at each other. Knowingly. Smugly even. We don't need sugar, you see:
And we are pleased. The man gets up and walks to the counter. His says his coffee is now cold.
We look out of the window to prove we are not interested. That's what we do.
Never show interest. The glass is thick and strong. No one outside is interested, either.
There are noises behind us but we don't hear a thing: well, we hear every word but we are not interested.
The man knocks over a chair and shouts. Outside a uniform runs towards the door.
We sip our vile coffee and grimace to each other. Shall we go? Do you want another? If you do, I do, too.
From the reflection in the window I can see that the uniform is holding on to the man.
The waiter comes back. Two more coffees, please. The waiter is not listening.
The man is still shouting as the uniform takes him outside, past the glass.
We do not look. The uniform is holding the man by one arm as he hauls him away.
The waiter looks offended. He shrugs to no one and quickly scans the room.
Two more coffees, please. Loudly this time.The waiter nods to me and starts towards us.
I look away and in the reflection the waiter veers off and disappears from view again.
We do not talk as we wait. And wait. The uniform comes back and asks us if we saw what happened.
We saw nothing. The coffee comes in five minutes. The waiter looks up as he puts down the cups.
He asks if we want sugar but he is looking away from me; so I turn away, too. Yes, please.
The coffee cools as we wait for the sugar we don't want....but it doesn't arrive. We leave the cold coffee.
Without talking we get up and gather ourshopping. [our shopping]We leave without paying for the coffee we didn't drink.
Going home in the winter cold, we hold hands. We do not talk, even though it was an interesting day.
Tectak
Feb 2012

it looks a bit prose at first glance but with the enjambment and a great metaphor,comes over as prose poetry when read, the narration is excellent,
i won't suggest shorter lines because i'm of a mind you intended it to be laid out the way it is. (and it does read well as is)

the narration gets the reader involved in the experience, i have never heard of the phrase 'spiteful coffee' but i will remember it always from now on. it's a good piece of writing, my only suggestion (i know, i said wouldn't mention it ) would be to shorten the lines and break it up into three or four stanza, but like i said, i'm sure that's not what you intended.

thanks for the read.
billy.


ps, i'll give a some more reads the better to enjoy it.