An interesting day when I was seventy-two
#3
(02-06-2012, 11:51 PM)Mark Wrote:  Wow! I really liked this a lot. I'm not sure I completely understand everything, but the general tone left me wishing it was longer (I think that's a good thing). I'm no professional critique, but I can say as an amateur that this is very interesting and maintains a consistent attitude in my opinion.

A couple of nits (since you've got this in 'Serious'):

sometimes your its needs to be it's (depending on whether you mean 'it is' or if you mean the possessive)
You might want to think about enclosing the dialogue (or monologue as it were) in " "s

Overall a fantastic read and thanks for sharing. Smile
(Others will be along that know what they're doing :p)

Yes to the it's or the "it's". First posting to get my range!
Problems always with "genre" efforts. This was prompted by observing an elderly couple observing an awkward incident in a town centre coffee bar. Whilst the story was true, the thoughts were superimposed in a remote controlled first person once removed! Hence omitted quotes.
Thank you for your comments. As I am a lifeboat refugee from that creaking ship Allpoetry I think I managed to reach your island without getting my feet wet.
Best,
Tectak
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RE: An intersting day when was seventy-two - by tectak - 02-07-2012, 12:35 AM



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