02-06-2012, 11:51 PM
Wow! I really liked this a lot. I'm not sure I completely understand everything, but the general tone left me wishing it was longer (I think that's a good thing). I'm no professional critique, but I can say as an amateur that this is very interesting and maintains a consistent attitude in my opinion.
A couple of nits (since you've got this in 'Serious'):
sometimes your its needs to be it's (depending on whether you mean 'it is' or if you mean the possessive)
You might want to think about enclosing the dialogue (or monologue as it were) in " "s
Overall a fantastic read and thanks for sharing.
(Others will be along that know what they're doing :p)
A couple of nits (since you've got this in 'Serious'):
sometimes your its needs to be it's (depending on whether you mean 'it is' or if you mean the possessive)
You might want to think about enclosing the dialogue (or monologue as it were) in " "s
Overall a fantastic read and thanks for sharing.
(Others will be along that know what they're doing :p)