Summer's Day

[Philatone]

hey! just a mild line-by

If I talk to you of dark nights,
swollen clouds and frozen moons, ...I think this refreshing images would make a stronger line to start with; e.g. "If I talk to you of swollen...."
you would not believe the truth of pain
is light and heat. An immortal summer's day
shines on every part of me, nourishing the bleakest tree,
teasing new leaves from old wombs. ...enjoyed this line
Love cannot survive the sun,
but yearns for the quietus of a slim, contented soul.
And when denied this simple want its wayward child Hate
exposes every wound, seeking faith in destruction.
This is the truth of my pain, at least. ..to this point, I sense a lot of ideas and theories, but had little to grab
A polite nastiness not uncommon to the British ...from this line forward, it is almost a new poem and it seems like you are really hitting your stride. the first half is not unnecessary, but this really is the meat here, and I would like more of its bulk to carry over to the whole piece
peppers the broth of my soul.
I want to resurrect our wretched Empire,
sell slaves to America, tear husband from wife,
gnarled hand from gnarled hand. Abolish the gestures of care.
If manhood is defined by hate and ignorance
I'll be John fucking Wayne,
pressing the dagger into Juliet's hand.
My immortal summer's day will know no frozen moons.