02-03-2012, 11:09 AM
Billy,
Nice poem. I'll go with what Heslopian said,
"It's simple but expressed with a quiet elegance, making an unpretentious tale somewhat profound"
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Yes, the lollipop part gave me trouble also, and not just because I didn't know what a lollipop man was.
"shortly after the drunken squall
Harry drove his car into
the back of a lollipop man—his dad—
The stop sign flew through the windscreen
its handle piercing Harry's heart..."
and unless "the back of" is purposefully an allusion to anal sex, I would leave it out, so
"shortly after the drunken squall
Harry drove his car into
a lollipop man—his dad—
The stop sign flew through the windscreen
its handle piercing Harry's heart..."
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.