-From “The Fall of Sons of Sirion” Canto II

[billy]

Billy,

A number of the things you bring up will be explained later on, but I will try to address some of them here. If I don't mention something then it means I agree with your assessment, such as

"i faltered at the beginning, would it read better as 'his champion in God’s place be'"

I agree that is an awkward line and needs to be addressed.

it makes it clearer for me.
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To a great extent this is based on Sumerian mythology, but it also incorporates information from the mythologies from around the world, especially, Babylonian, Canaanite, Persian, Egyptian, Greek, and Indian (Vedic text). A number of the characters are composite characters, and for those I often use the nearest name, usually either Sumerian or Akkadian, such as Enki/Ea. Ennihil is a composite name which represents both Ninhursag, Enki's half sister, and also the unnamed birth goddesses used as wombs for the initial stages of what would be man, but before he could reproduce. Thus the meaning in the Bible about the tree of knowledge. is also related to knowing, as in Adam knew Eve. As in any story, the characters have to be defined, but that happens along the way, and so "Ennihil" is introduced here simply as

"the goddess Ennihil.
Ennihil the midwives of creation"

So it is both a name and a title. It is the name/title of Ninhursag, the mother goddess, but also the title of any who preform the same function. This will be developed later on as the story unfolds.

i realised it was to do with midwifery, and also that it wasn't an earthly one.
so i think it seemed to be more of a prob than it actually was, it was just that i couldn't good Ennihill with to much ease.

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"found feels a little forced though a good opening to the verse."

Actually, this is suppose to convey the idea of how a woodcarver, "finds" the shape in the wood. In other words the image of man is found in the clay. Also in Sumerian the word for clay and blood are the same word.
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"For her mankind was yoked, the son et lumiere bore.. the the son of light? "

Yes, basically. This looks forward to the role of Christ in Canto III. In the Book of Enoch, Noah's father Lamech is freaked out that Noah is very white, because the "gods" look the same way "Satan is refereed to as the Shinning one" in a different book. There is great importance placed on the purity of the human line, because the line is derived from a specific "god" and that line will recombine with the pure "human" line in Mary, and the god Nanna, known to the Jews as Jehovah, in Christ. As this is a large part of what Canto III is about, I'll not try and explain it here. But yes, for "her", the daughter part of "God" will be manifested, or awakened through this process. At this point in time this part of God is unknown to God.

i'm learning new stuff as i read thanks for the explanations.
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"'doing that which came most naturally' feels a bit cliché and out of context, plus, wasn't adam, coerced and eve decieved(i think)"

As it says this is a different telling of the tale. The snake/serpent as always represented both life, think of the medical symbol, and the double helix of DNA, and life comes from sex. Man/Adam or Adom is kicked out of Eden because he has been given the secret of procreation, which "god" did not want him to have. This is explained in much greater depth also later on. But note the lines

"The story he told, was garbled, as from a child’s point of view"

in other words the story told in Genesis is the truth of a child trying to explain something he cannot comprehend.

But I do agree it sounds a bit cliche.
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Thanks for the insight and the suggestions, as well as the time it has taken you. I look forward to further comments as you can.

Thanks,

Dale

i'll be doing a few post's in the forum toady an i'll get back onto it tomorrow. in truth i feel a little..a lot out of my depth but i'm enjoying both the poem and the trying to give feedback