Arrayed

[billy]

i'm confused with accentual meter, i'm presuming it has something to do with dialect. when i count the meter i get quite a few differences.
the half rhymes work well as do the the full rhymes.

Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen, i love this line, it gives milton some well earned credit.
that the Muse might let it flow from some place here within,
but looking outward I find it’s always the easiest to see,
i think the style makes it necessary to pack (always is redundant) and it isn't a problem because it's narrated. normally i'd think it in need of trimming but not in this piece.
yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me. the repeated "within" was okay)
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp, should there be a comma after bitch?
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself. not sure about the 'over'
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues. this and above, two great lines though i think i've read through a glass darkly somewhere else
How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts? why cap Truth? for me it lends nothing extra
I grope with benumb hands, through these cruel razored tomes, very sharp
what crime did I commit that in this way I must atone?
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book,
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man. great closing couplet


©2012 ~Erthona

16 lines of accentual heptameter with rhyming couplets

first off, the timbre of the piece it's introspections, the underlying anger and the urge to create something, all work well. the flow of the piece was easy to go with. i'm in two minds with o'er but not sure why, it has a feel of a well used book and i think that makes the poem a warm one.

all my points are minor (to me) even though it flowed well, i struggled with the phrase accentual heptameter. (it feels a bit of a cop out, that said i'm pretty uneducated when it comes to poetry or grammar). jmo

thanks for a good substansive read.