Askew

[Leanne]

[font=Courier New][size=1]

If I were intrinsically evil, I'd change the snake metaphors to bat
and throw in some "Twilight" references...

I think you're intrinsically evil just for mentioning "Twilight" :p

Since I like to read it as an internal discussion, I think a bit of
ambiguity as to 'person' is called for.

It wasn't originally intended as an internal discussion, but there's no reason it can't be seen as such. In fact, most "poets" (bloody hell I hate that term these days, given the kinds of people who apply it to themselves) seem to have difficulty (at least initially) reconciling their writing with their everyday lives.

Not many quibbles:
   While it should really be "close-woven", I can just see
   having "cross-eyed", "close-woven", and "gray-shadowed"
   one after the other, so I understand.

I wouldn't mind getting rid of "close woven" entirely, but the idea itself is important (to me) -- it may be one of those babies that needs killing though. I originally intended "tightknit", as these types tend to move in single-brain-cell thought impulse mobs.

   I would prefer a bit more anatomical accuracy, but, this being
   poetry and all...

I could try "2mm left of L2" if you like

   "Lethe": well, don't get me started. While I personally dislike
   anyone younger than 120 resorting to Greek allusionism, I am
   willing to put up with it as long as they forgive my unremitting
   drug metaphorizationizing.

Anything for you. Actually, I use Greek allusions all the time and am unapologetic about it -- they say exactly what I want to say without me having to think of anything original for myself...