Workshop question

[Todd]

Not a bad idea Dale. When I was recreating this the lines (lengths and breaks) were almost causing me the most pain. If I stayed with the structure and attempted to make this again I'd probably break the lines the way you did. Those are much better breaks. My problem with the new breaks though is that they expose the first line as being much too weak of a lead in. I'd probably have to change the structure the pushing down the stairs if reworked could be a strong opener. The original seems too passive and static to me. I also find the conclusion a bit too trite. So the idea of simply free writing from the opening might be fun to try. I'll give it some thought.

Thanks