12-31-2011, 06:56 PM
Generally it reads smoothly. I don't understand he use of 'Till, since you are not using a meter on this.
Also the phrase "Those rude heartless". It seems as though it is written with heartless as a noun, except heartless is not a noun. It makes me want to ask, "Rude heartless what? Even if it is suppose to the preceding line
"I heard them calling"
It still needs a noun.
Dale
Also the phrase "Those rude heartless". It seems as though it is written with heartless as a noun, except heartless is not a noun. It makes me want to ask, "Rude heartless what? Even if it is suppose to the preceding line
"I heard them calling"
It still needs a noun.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.