12-29-2011, 07:00 AM
haven't had a chance to read everything. just a very very very quick note.
the word "seem" can really steal a lot of energy and weaken imagery. when possible, just say that something "is"--poetry gives you that license to exaggerate, or sometimes, find the true meaning in an exaggeration. if you think the jump between your object and the comparison is too large, opt for a simile instead of a metaphor. if that is too much, then maybe you should consider dropping the image.
I'll come back to do a more thorough read. from a first glance it looks much, much cleaner!
the word "seem" can really steal a lot of energy and weaken imagery. when possible, just say that something "is"--poetry gives you that license to exaggerate, or sometimes, find the true meaning in an exaggeration. if you think the jump between your object and the comparison is too large, opt for a simile instead of a metaphor. if that is too much, then maybe you should consider dropping the image.
I'll come back to do a more thorough read. from a first glance it looks much, much cleaner!
Written only for you to consider.