Taxi Dancer

[Erthona]

Philatone,

Thanks for your thoughtful comments. Many of the points of which I might raise my self.


"I think the first two lines have a meter that is slightly too regular"

The first two lines are written in ballad meter. A line of iambic tetrameter followed by a line of iambic trimeter.

"I think a consistent meter may actually help things."

This is written in free iambic verse (although not as stiffly as say Prufrock, and smewhat imitative of the cadence in the song "Big Spender") so that it could more closely imitate the linga franca of the roaring twenties. It may or may not succeed, but that is the justification for it. So the lines will be irregular. It is true, and I know what you mean, as I have offered the same sort of criticism before about a regular meter at the start priming one to expect it to continue, and when it does not, it is disruptive (although as mentioned above the first two lines are not the same, but they could cause some to anticipate ballad meter). Despite that, I do think this mimics the rhythmic patterns of speech from the twenties, or at least what has become perceived as the stereotype for that era. On my part, a major part of the impetus for writing this was to play with that sort of gum chewing, bead swinging, Tommy gun toting, mob moll, flapper patter from that time; not that I succeeded!

"...this struck me as forced. rather than those adjectives, is there a scene or image you could prove them with?"

There is a character in the musical "Sweet Charity", who becomes involved with the title character, then ends up dumping her, literally, throws her and her suitcases into a lake. So, as this is being spoken by that person, when speaking of himself it may on occasion ring false. Thus the inverse to the common cliche (started in Caspar Milquetoast series, circa 1912), of "meek and mild". However, and to some degree, it is reflective of the indecision of the character whose name happens to be "Oscar Lindquist". So I think a reversal on the "meek and mild" refrain is apropos here.

you’re should be your
I guess I will get around to correcting that one of these days

Thanks again for your comments. I will continue to mull them over.

Dale

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Thanks Ray,

Yes, I confess to having a bit of Elliot in me (although I don't belief I am as light in the fingers), and I used to footnote a lot of things, but as the references and inferences and allusions are so easy to track down these days, I have quit the practice, unless it is not easily available on the net, and to that end, I do try and see if there information about the reference before I post a poem. However I suppose many might not make the connection between "Caspar Milquetoast" and "Oscar Lindquist", but obviously the writers of the musical expected it. Of course all of this presupposes the level of knowledge of the reader, and the assumption here is that the reader would be familiar with the musical, as well as some awareness of that time period. If I did not assume those things I would have three times as many footnotes as poem (there is little exaggeration there, as in the past I have taken up nearly as much space as the poem with footnotes, and on some pages the footnote would actually take more room than the poem.

On the other hand I can understand peoples frustration with having to look things up. Often times when I write something it is after a period of immersion in the subject, and so all the information is quite fresh. However if I revisit a lot of my poems, I am also relegated to looking things up, scratching my head and wondering, "What the hell was I talking about!"

There is a story of Elizabeth Browning being interviewed, and in the interview asked
if she understands her husband's (Robert Browning's) poetry. She responded by saying, "only God and Mr. Browning understand Mr. Browning's poetry, and sometimes I am not too certain about Mr. Browning!"

Dale