mango

[popeye]

We have a reference forum here on the Pig. Leanne has taken great strides to provide excellent tutorials on narratives, forms and types of poetry, enjambment, poetic devices, terminology, etc.
She is quite qualified to help mold and critique young writers, seeing as how she holds masters degrees in creative writing and cultural theory, and she is a well know published poet.
Mediocrity is not practiced here. Neither is snobbery. We strive to keep a positive, grounded workshop environment that nurtures poets as well as friendships in tandem with constructive criticism.

The Poetry Reference Forumhttp://pigpenpoetry.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=41

We also have a library of established/classic poets that is growing every week for reading pleasure and compari

[color=#FF0000]http://pigpenpoetry.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=46

/mod

Thank you very much for taking the time in giving me all that information Aish it is most helpful, Merry Christmas, cheers

jiminy

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Hi Jiminy,
My thoughts are just that- thoughts. I am no poet- not really. I am just learning to write and critique. Like Dale's sig says, don't take it to heart, but maybe there is something in my words that can help. If not, well at least I trie

mango

just picked this mango --Just a thought, but I think it might be better to either change the title of the poem or eliminate the word 'mango' from the first line. It seems redundant, especially when the title is viewed just above the poem. jmo (thought it was a good way to introduce the title, but you've got me thinking )
from under its tree
brought it up closer to see
its peach and rose blush --beautiful (thanks, they are a nice looking fruit)
it's firm yet pliant to touch
the bouquet giving a rush
fully ripe darling
just like you
you're out of touch
lifting the peel gently --because of the human/fruit comparison, what about 'skin' instead of peel? ( was trying to be a bit erotic here, peel as in 'peeling down panties')
from this amber soft flesh
and mouthing it's softness
right to the seed
I'm eating this mango
but it's you that I need
you're at the office
helping to fund our love grove
the fruits of our labours --made me smile. It seems like a pun to me(it is a pun and I'm an incurable punster, but point taken Mark, not very original!)
indeed a rich trove
juice is now running
down my forearm and chin
teasing the fibres out --I'm not getting 'fibres', but then again I can be thick( an erotic reference to pubic hairs )
just for a whim
thoughts rambling wildly
out of the blue
oh babe
I'm so lost without you --Honestly, this is a little cliche, imo. I think you might need to work on the ending.(I'm emo by nature and have a lot of work to do in this area to balance it all out, all good points Mark, thanks)

Thanks for sharing.

Hello Mark, your comments are most welcome champ and I'm happy to accept critique from everyone no matter what their qualifications the wider the net, the better the knowledge, and then it's just a matter of choice, Merry Christmas, cheers