mango

[Wildcard]

Hi Jiminy,
My thoughts are just that- thoughts. I am no poet- not really. I am just learning to write and critique. Like Dale's sig says, don't take it to heart, but maybe there is something in my words that can help. If not, well at least I trie

mango

just picked this mango --Just a thought, but I think it might be better to either change the title of the poem or eliminate the word 'mango' from the first line. It seems redundant, especially when the title is viewed just above the poem. jmo
from under its tree
brought it up closer to see
its peach and rose blush --beautiful
it's firm yet pliant to touch
the bouquet giving a rush
fully ripe darling
just like you
you're out of touch
lifting the peel gently --because of the human/fruit comparison, what about 'skin' instead of peel?
from this amber soft flesh
and mouthing it's softness
right to the seed
I'm eating this mango
but it's you that I need
you're at the office
helping to fund our love grove
the fruits of our labours --made me smile. It seems like a pun to me
indeed a rich trove
juice is now running
down my forearm and chin
teasing the fibres out --I'm not getting 'fibres', but then again I can be thick
just for a whim
thoughts rambling wildly
out of the blue
oh babe
I'm so lost without you --Honestly, this is a little cliche, imo. I think you might need to work on the ending.

Thanks for sharing.