12-25-2011, 03:11 PM
Some background information and other stuff! 
A Taxi Dancer is a girl who dances with men for money. A token for a dance is usually purchased. In a sense it is like hiring a cab, which I assume is where the name came from. This is a main plot device in the Musical "Sweet Charity". If you are familiar with the musical, a lot of this stuff makes more sense. Not really a favorite musical of mine as I don't really like Shirley MacLaine who plays the main character, "Charity Hope Valentine". However, some of the ideas, have an interesting play when put against the backdrop of financially difficult times, such as then and now. The big musical number in this that everybody knows is "Hey Big Spender", which I allude to/quote at the end of the poem.
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There is generous interplay between several motifs that are the backbone of the poem. I divide the main ones into dichotomous pairs below.
Dance=sex
Girl=car
Man=fare (That is the primary value of the man is his money, the primary value of a woman is her body. A man uses his money to borrow her body, in much the same way that a man "rents" a cab.)
There were many men, who before the crash preceding the Great Depression, were very wealthy, and that wealth created the illusion that they were suave. After the crash and losing the money, the man realizes the reality of who he really is without money artificially propping him up. Therefore
Money= self esteem/illusion.
So these men were no longer desirable without their money. The particular man in the poem still thinks that if he could somehow "ride" this cab, it might bring back the illusion he once enjoyed. That is the woman appearing to desire him is the ultimate conformation of his desirability.
woman as object
woman as cure
possession of woman as conformation of virility.
This is encapsulated in the four lines:
"I know that you could help me,
if you just let me ride you awhile,
and let me pretend it’s before the crash,
when I still had cash and style."
GJ,
Thanks for the suggestions. Some of those I can use. If I used other's it would take away the underlying premiss that is behind this poem. I'll explain some of the below. However, as your suggestion show that I probably didn't communicate some of the aspects well, I may need to look at making those a little more clear.
but could you spare some sweet charity, (I could use some sweet charity/for old times sake.)
and spend a free dance on me? Spare a free dance for me (like spare a dime!)
The first of these two line does what you recommend in the second, that is equate it to "hey buddy can you spare a dime". The second line is as it is because I have already used that device "spare a dime".
It doesn’t matter, cause now I’m broke, 'It doesn't matter' doesn't seem right here 'times are hard?'
What doesn't matter is that he used to be able to get a dance for a dime. As he is broke and has no dime...
"But I know that you could help me" - It, the dance, will not help him. It is the woman who will help him by accepting him, he becomes what he was.
The line "if you just let me ride you awhile" is suppose to be the equivalence of the idea of a woman riding a man like a horse.
So what do you say, --->(no comma) comma acts as needed caesura.
a little ride for free? ---> to a little ride for free? "a little ride for free" is straight iambic trimeter. Not sure why I would want to change it, as this is primarily written in iambic free verse.
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You're should be your. Thanks for catching that.
"when I still had cash and style. ---> when I had cash and style" I'll look at that one, you are probably correct, dropping the "still" makes it read more cleanly.
"Come on sweet mama and “spend…….. no 'and' " That might be good, it more closely mimics the words of the song.
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Thanks for the critique. Even if I don't use suggestions, they still force me to justify what I have written, and as I said, your comments make me think I am not being as clear as I need to be in presenting these motifs.
Thanks again,
MC
Dale
A Taxi Dancer is a girl who dances with men for money. A token for a dance is usually purchased. In a sense it is like hiring a cab, which I assume is where the name came from. This is a main plot device in the Musical "Sweet Charity". If you are familiar with the musical, a lot of this stuff makes more sense. Not really a favorite musical of mine as I don't really like Shirley MacLaine who plays the main character, "Charity Hope Valentine". However, some of the ideas, have an interesting play when put against the backdrop of financially difficult times, such as then and now. The big musical number in this that everybody knows is "Hey Big Spender", which I allude to/quote at the end of the poem.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is generous interplay between several motifs that are the backbone of the poem. I divide the main ones into dichotomous pairs below.
Dance=sex
Girl=car
Man=fare (That is the primary value of the man is his money, the primary value of a woman is her body. A man uses his money to borrow her body, in much the same way that a man "rents" a cab.)
There were many men, who before the crash preceding the Great Depression, were very wealthy, and that wealth created the illusion that they were suave. After the crash and losing the money, the man realizes the reality of who he really is without money artificially propping him up. Therefore
Money= self esteem/illusion.
So these men were no longer desirable without their money. The particular man in the poem still thinks that if he could somehow "ride" this cab, it might bring back the illusion he once enjoyed. That is the woman appearing to desire him is the ultimate conformation of his desirability.
woman as object
woman as cure
possession of woman as conformation of virility.
This is encapsulated in the four lines:
"I know that you could help me,
if you just let me ride you awhile,
and let me pretend it’s before the crash,
when I still had cash and style."
GJ,
Thanks for the suggestions. Some of those I can use. If I used other's it would take away the underlying premiss that is behind this poem. I'll explain some of the below. However, as your suggestion show that I probably didn't communicate some of the aspects well, I may need to look at making those a little more clear.
but could you spare some sweet charity, (I could use some sweet charity/for old times sake.)
and spend a free dance on me? Spare a free dance for me (like spare a dime!)
The first of these two line does what you recommend in the second, that is equate it to "hey buddy can you spare a dime". The second line is as it is because I have already used that device "spare a dime".
It doesn’t matter, cause now I’m broke, 'It doesn't matter' doesn't seem right here 'times are hard?'
What doesn't matter is that he used to be able to get a dance for a dime. As he is broke and has no dime...
"But I know that you could help me" - It, the dance, will not help him. It is the woman who will help him by accepting him, he becomes what he was.
The line "if you just let me ride you awhile" is suppose to be the equivalence of the idea of a woman riding a man like a horse.
So what do you say, --->(no comma) comma acts as needed caesura.
a little ride for free? ---> to a little ride for free? "a little ride for free" is straight iambic trimeter. Not sure why I would want to change it, as this is primarily written in iambic free verse.
-----------------------------
You're should be your. Thanks for catching that.
"when I still had cash and style. ---> when I had cash and style" I'll look at that one, you are probably correct, dropping the "still" makes it read more cleanly.
"Come on sweet mama and “spend…….. no 'and' " That might be good, it more closely mimics the words of the song.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the critique. Even if I don't use suggestions, they still force me to justify what I have written, and as I said, your comments make me think I am not being as clear as I need to be in presenting these motifs.
Thanks again,
MC
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.