12-25-2011, 02:19 PM
When I read this, I felt like an essence was captured. Captured. The first line I loved - what an image. I also loved the tomboy scamp. The fact that she doesn't exist bothered me, only because I think she does. She could. But you covered it with the line that follows, explaining the scenario "if she did exist." The only line I had any awkwardness was "she could make a man hurt when she'd walk in his way."
Perhaps the 'in' is not necessary in that phrase? Perhaps 'she could make a man hurt when she'd walk his way" may be more powerful. It could just be me. I have read and reread this one, and everytime it impacts me, excites me. Thanks for the read.
Perhaps the 'in' is not necessary in that phrase? Perhaps 'she could make a man hurt when she'd walk his way" may be more powerful. It could just be me. I have read and reread this one, and everytime it impacts me, excites me. Thanks for the read.