mango

[popeye]

I think it is fairly disruptive to the reading that you do not stay with the two foot line of the first two line:

"just picked this mango
from under it's tree"

As the overall metaphor is stable, and you have good images, it is only the rhythm that sabotages you here.

Dale

Thank you very much for the crit. Dale it's pointed me in the right direction, I've always enjoyed poetry but never tried to compose so haven't taken much interest in the technicalities, now I have a lot of catching up to do, hoping you have a Merry Christmas, cheers
jiminy

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Quick comment, jiminy, so you can do a swift edit....most of your 'it's' should be 'its' (it's means - it is)

Merry Christmas grannyjill, thank you for the crit. you must be wearying of my adamant refusal to punctuate correctly will be more careful in future, have a great Christmas, cheers.

jiminy