12-24-2011, 07:42 PM
Thanks, Mark - my nostalgia is firmly anchored in 'dreary' ! The whole verse is supposed to be showing you a place which is boring, cold, wind-swept, bleak, etc. the Happy days are here again is ironic. It is a song which was very popular when I was a child....but those days were far from happy.
Erth - you have some good suggestions here, 'colossal' does work better than 'monolithic' although that does suggest a slightly different meaning. I like 'sand castle days' very much but, I also like 'bucket'n'spade days.....so, I will use your phrase in another poem. An empty promenade - yep, you're right.
The last verse I'll keep as it is, as I want to maintain the sense of ticking off a list...a sort of precis of the whole experience (and leaving it for the reader to fill in the 'who' of it all)
Thank you both for your interest and input.
Erth - you have some good suggestions here, 'colossal' does work better than 'monolithic' although that does suggest a slightly different meaning. I like 'sand castle days' very much but, I also like 'bucket'n'spade days.....so, I will use your phrase in another poem. An empty promenade - yep, you're right.
The last verse I'll keep as it is, as I want to maintain the sense of ticking off a list...a sort of precis of the whole experience (and leaving it for the reader to fill in the 'who' of it all)
Thank you both for your interest and input.