12-24-2011, 06:20 PM
'sashay'.....I thought that meant - to walk? Edit - rethink
of course, you mean 'walk' I totally missed the point there, because I was thinking of an item of clothing, like a sash or a skirt..I'm so slow sometimes......it's a blue-suede shoes reference, of course.
being picky (as always) 'when she walked in his way' or 'when she'd walk in his way' (or even 'when she'd walk his way)
ignorance again - what are 'gams'?
I reckon you need a (
or a (-) after 'it'd play out like this'
She'd fight till the death (forget the 'you')
All the bitty stuff out of the way.... I like it, especially your opening line(s) I wonder what it would read like if you doubled them up?
She was complicit as leather, had a blue suede sashay,
she could make a man hurt when she'd walk in his way.
Gams firm as hot gold, while her ass rode a vamp,
she could be a prim lady or a rough tomboy scamp.
Many men have dreamed of her, but she doesn’t exist,
and even if she did it’d play out like this -
She’d fight you till death,
never would she be owned,
rather die from despair
having lived life alone.
Not sure what this achieves, it just looks better to me!
of course, you mean 'walk' I totally missed the point there, because I was thinking of an item of clothing, like a sash or a skirt..I'm so slow sometimes......it's a blue-suede shoes reference, of course.
being picky (as always) 'when she walked in his way' or 'when she'd walk in his way' (or even 'when she'd walk his way)
ignorance again - what are 'gams'?
I reckon you need a (
or a (-) after 'it'd play out like this'She'd fight till the death (forget the 'you')
All the bitty stuff out of the way.... I like it, especially your opening line(s) I wonder what it would read like if you doubled them up?
She was complicit as leather, had a blue suede sashay,
she could make a man hurt when she'd walk in his way.
Gams firm as hot gold, while her ass rode a vamp,
she could be a prim lady or a rough tomboy scamp.
Many men have dreamed of her, but she doesn’t exist,
and even if she did it’d play out like this -
She’d fight you till death,
never would she be owned,
rather die from despair
having lived life alone.
Not sure what this achieves, it just looks better to me!