Taxi Dancer

[grannyjill]

Nah, it wasn't that......for some reason Tina Turner's Private Dancer came into my head...though, I don't know why since it has nothing to do with your poem.
I don't know what a taxi dancer is - is it like a lap dancer?

I immediately liked this verse, I liked the character speaking - no whining about hard times just a hobo making a simple request to relive the good times. The rhythm suited the words, but that got lost a bit from 'But, I know that you could help me' (see suggested tightening)

You must be a taxi dancer,
you’re cab, it looks so fine,....do you mean 'your cab' or 'you are a cab'? If the latter 'it' should be 'you'
do you remember the good old days,
when I could ride you for only a dime?
It doesn’t matter, cause now I’m broke, 'It doesn't matter' doesn't seem right here 'times are hard?'
but could you spare some sweet charity, I could use some sweet charity/for old times sake.
for old times sake,
and spend a free dance on me? Spare a free dance for me (like spare a dime!)

I’m not much to look at,
got two left feet,
I’m afraid of tight places,
I’m too mild and meek.
But I know that you could help me, But I know it would help me
if you just let me ride you awhile, if I just rode you for a while
and let me pretend it’s before the crash, to pretend it's before the crash
when I still had cash and style. when I had cash and style

So what do you say, no comma
a little ride for free? to a little ride for free?
Come on sweet mama and “spend…….. no 'and'
a little time with me!” [Image: music.gif]

All these black bits look terrible, but they are only 'tightening up' suggestions and this is 'serious critique'.