12-24-2011, 03:32 PM
I think it is fairly disruptive to the reading that you do not stay with the two foot line of the first two line:
"just picked this mango
from under it's tree"
As the overall metaphor is stable, and you have good images, it is only the rhythm that sabotages you here.
Dale
"just picked this mango
from under it's tree"
As the overall metaphor is stable, and you have good images, it is only the rhythm that sabotages you here.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.