Alamo

[billy]

*to clarify, the Alamo is a former mission-turned-mini-fortress of sorts in San Antonio where a battle was fought in Texas between Americans and Mexicans... This is a very raw piece that has put up quite a fight over the last 2 weeks (fitting for the topic), so any help in taming it would be wonderful

for me the intro takes from it, everything you need is in the title.

Alamo

Casket that escaped, feels too cryptic as an opening line.
hollowed of bones
whose fingerprints paint
the leaves of live oaks;
beneath footsteps
you slept

until the day they came is 'the day' needed
to your splintered door
with lips dripping compliments--
Legend of the Desert,
Pillar of Hope,
Cradle of Liberty.

They lured you from the clay
and dropped cages
of steel shadows
the moment you appeared.

Scars, they covered like matches,
every tooth replaced,
every broken bone
removed;
under Texas sun
you sit,
exposed as a looted tomb,
face stolen
into calendars and matinees,
evening photographs
under a sleepless flag,
magnets, names, purses, textbooks,
names, ornaments,
names.

They have strapped
the city to your back
and laid a road to march, i love this small verse and it works well with the previous verse's capitalist statement

leading with trumpets and drums
as if you had won a war,

But go back,
shrine
of a lonely sun,
last record is this line needed as it feels a little redundant
of lives left
under paved fields;

return to open arms
of clay,
ones that rocked
everyone you knew
to sleep
when no wall or roof
could keep the soul
down. would safe work better than down?

it read well for me apart from the 1st verse. mainly the 1st line which i struggled to interpret. it is sad that such iconic monuments get screwed up by the tourist trade. while it didn't win the war it did the courage of a a group of men which has only been done on few occasions. another that comes to mind is Rourke's drift in africa. the last verse felt quite poignant

thanks for the read.