canyon

[Philatone]

hey granny! how fortunate I am to have been your first 'experiment' of sorts! really useful feedback. I agreed with a number of your suggestions, most notably changing "cellar" to "prison" (stellar walls felt more abstract than I was going for). also removed that simile from the second to last adjusted. I adjusted the "eyes" bit so I hope it doesn't sound like they are literally lost anymore, and hopefully clearing up those issues from the first reading (though perhaps opening up another can?). with regards to "devour--devouring", I stuck with the former because I didn't want the -ing's to become a distraction, at least not yet. thanks again!