11-30-2011, 06:59 AM
hey!
granny- I added another mention of the subject (besides the title), though it does occur slightly later in the piece. I hope it is strong enough to make the topic clear! your input was truly valuable.
leanne- noted the -ing and removed. thank you for the kind, positive words!
mark- thanks for the input! I understand the predictability of basses and trebles, yet I guess I don't feel that that has to detract from the poem necessarily. i played with adding "notes," but i felt that it might take away from the ending with the repetition of the word. I might just have to live with it for now; I hope that the rest of the stanza makes up for its predictibility. also, with regards to the turning of the pegs, i hoped to compare it to the hands of grandfather clock that needs to be wound to function. without it, everything stops. it may not have come out strongly enough. I appreciate you drawing my attention to it
granny- I added another mention of the subject (besides the title), though it does occur slightly later in the piece. I hope it is strong enough to make the topic clear! your input was truly valuable.
leanne- noted the -ing and removed. thank you for the kind, positive words!
mark- thanks for the input! I understand the predictability of basses and trebles, yet I guess I don't feel that that has to detract from the poem necessarily. i played with adding "notes," but i felt that it might take away from the ending with the repetition of the word. I might just have to live with it for now; I hope that the rest of the stanza makes up for its predictibility. also, with regards to the turning of the pegs, i hoped to compare it to the hands of grandfather clock that needs to be wound to function. without it, everything stops. it may not have come out strongly enough. I appreciate you drawing my attention to it
Written only for you to consider.