Hope

[Philatone]

hello digna, don't think i've had the pleasure of reading your work until now. here are my thoughts

This will all end in tears, I promise ..not the strongest of openings just because it is not expressing something new. it would be possible to play with the rest of the poem to express the same thing. for instance, taking out this line and replacing "ones" with "tears" in the next few lines could work wonders I think. at the same time, that little "I promise" at the end does give the line an anchor of sorts which I liked.
Good ones ..on its own, I'm not sure how I feel about this line, it can almost feel like an afterthought to me. I think adding a comma and moving "bitter-salt" up to this line would give it more nuance and strength.
bitter-salt ones that map the planes of our faces ...like the imagery in the second half of this line. As a concept, I would like to see something more refreshing than pairing "bitter-salt" with "tears"
As we press them together..nitpicky, but I don't know if you need the "as"
connecting roads and rivers
unfolding the landscape of us ..this felt very strong, especially with the "of us"
suspended in a paper-thin moment... I like the ideas here. I think the sounds are a bit clunky. Adding a comma and moving "paper-thin" after "moment" would give it a little more cadence and would also begin that flow of adjectives in the next line: "suspended in a moment, paper thin/ crumpled or folded/ smelling of damp....
Crumpled or folded
smelling of damp and dust ...hmm
Promising horizons
and nothing more
and nothing less
..I understand the close, but I think it could be tighter if you played with the last three lines. You are essentially saying that the horizons are the only thing guaranteed; I think moving the "horizons" to the last line, as opposed to the opening of the close, would make it stronger. something like "Promising nothing more/ and nothing less/ than horizons". it would just give a slightly different edge to an ending I've seen before.

just wanted to offer some suggestions to play with. I realize I moved things around a lot, sorry if nothing appeals to you. I did enjoy the read!
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