11-27-2011, 05:19 PM
I love it. I've little in the way of poetic sensibility but I like the shape, the rhymes and the narrative. I think it's very clever.
How about:
A fellow commuter said ‘He’s dead.
Suicide.’ This world for him was ended.
A fellow commuter said ‘He’s dead.
Suicide.’ His life prematurely ended.
The metre (I think that's the term) is the same and "prematurely" fits nicely with the subsequent line: "Too late now... "
How about:
A fellow commuter said ‘He’s dead.
Suicide.’ This world for him was ended.
A fellow commuter said ‘He’s dead.
Suicide.’ His life prematurely ended.
The metre (I think that's the term) is the same and "prematurely" fits nicely with the subsequent line: "Too late now... "
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."