A Soldier's Sacrifice

[grannyjill]

Of course it's ok, Shakespeare deviated from iambs all the time so what's good for the Bard...

One line that stands out as a little awkward for me is the first line of the second stanza. My suggestion would be:

I did not choose death, yet death chose me. (It's 9 syllables, I know, but it gives emphasis to the first I and makes it a trochaic start like the preceding line, yet finishes on a hard stress to allow the iambic second line to flow more naturally).

Also, you might consider "I am content" in S2 L5, and change your contraction to "there's nothing", to shift the stresses a little more to normal speech.

If you're uncomfortable about the meter of the final line, you could perhaps try:

"If you appreciate my sacrifice"

All those tiny little metric nits aside, I very much like the tone of this poem, it's incredibly noble and dignified.

I have used all of your suggestions, thank you. The last line change I wasn't sure about (it loses the irony)- but I decided the writer of this wouldn't be writing ironically - so it is a good change.
Thank you for your help

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Rupert Brooke was almost relishing the war, of doing something, as many of his generation, of intellectuals were, but he is resigned (in the poem) and positive, as he he contemplates becoming part of the universal mind. In a sense, your poem is sadder, because we know what happened in the war, and since. It would not matter, though, if the soldier expected appreciation, which is no longer as widespread as it was, nor, in a way, does it matter. If you remember, and I remember, they are remembered.

It was well writ.

Thank you, abu.....I love your last sentence - it needs a poem to cling to.

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after a few reads i think it's great. leanne pointed a few nits out.
i can't add to it. a letter from the grave and it works well in it's sadness.
babyhood threw me though i know it's a word and fits, so it must be me. i did enjoy the poem a lot,
i thought L3, and 4, honestly poignant. never noticed the end rhymes, and the end couplet did it's job well.
no suggestions here, just thanks, for the read.

Thanks for reading. I will put this back into the archives as a keeper.