Robin and Marion (A Narrative Poem)

[grannyjill]

i think inversion good at times. i'd call this a period piece so it wasn't a problem for me.
even an odd cliche that slips through isn't a problem. the narrative is good and incorporates some good images.
i enjoyed it. though it's a love story i found it to be a light one. (yes, yes, i know they died hehe)

thanks for the read grannyjill.

Thank you, billy I would image the old ballads would be dripping with cliches, so perhaps mine can stay.

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I love "cloistered like a sorrowing ghost", what a wonderful image!

S2 L4 would actually work better without the inverted syntax, as "to keep a tryst with Locksley's Lord".

Great narrative, grannyjill -- I'd probably like to see a stanza stuck in between the second and third ones now, about their true and magnificent love etc to build it up a bit, all the better to crash it down with dying Robin

I agree with you re: S2 L4 and I think as the last couple of verses sort of petered out, a re-write is on the cards (with added verse).
Thank you for the kind comment re: cloistered etc.