11-09-2011, 06:39 PM
i think the last revision is really good.
could squeeze something other than words out of it?
is the 1st line needed? love the 2nd line.
in the lone;
or the floorboards. (is 'the' needed) check for any other small bits of carry on luggage
check the enjambment does it wall work well when read aloud? (L8 and at least one more ) which also has an excess 'the in in there. i like the feel of the piece. the age of the guitar feels like an OAP. beyond redemption. i think the last verse feels a little tell. but i still like it. i think it was a brave and good strong effort that certainly works in polishing it.
all in all a good read, thanks.
could squeeze something other than words out of it?
is the 1st line needed? love the 2nd line.
in the lone;
or the floorboards. (is 'the' needed) check for any other small bits of carry on luggage
check the enjambment does it wall work well when read aloud? (L8 and at least one more ) which also has an excess 'the in in there. i like the feel of the piece. the age of the guitar feels like an OAP. beyond redemption. i think the last verse feels a little tell. but i still like it. i think it was a brave and good strong effort that certainly works in polishing it.
all in all a good read, thanks.